the dobbler effect

my iO team, merman, hung out for a while after our show on friday night. as many of our hangouts progress, we end up playing a game of truth or bear (you imitate a bear doing something, like returning a book to the library, then tell the truth about the question you're asked; SELF-EXPLANATORY). we started talking about people we love, and since this post, i've been thinking on my own time about who exists out there who i'd tell, if only to put out good karma in the world and let people know they are perfection to me.

right now, i'm learning a lot. in coupling, i'm not selective about many things, but i am pretty selective when it comes to personality (see: why dating is currently challenging for me, part 90). this may seem like a dumb statement, but i've found that some people just... aren't that selective. here's what i mean: we're human - and often we all just want to be with someone, you know? - so there we are, and we date, and we try, and we think, and we rationalize, and then we look up and 6 months of life has passed us by, and there you are. there you are. and... you know what? that's not enough for me. i don't want someone who's just okay for me right now, nor do i want to be that to someone else. life is already great for me. we all deserve more than okay.

life is awesome, after all, and this - this is someone who you will spend your precious time with, talk with, love - so shouldn't it be a someone you just like the most? for me, now, it is. that's the thing. in friendships, in relationships, in life.

okay, that's settled, so let's get to talking playfully: you never know love until you're in it, but it's fun to hypothesize about who you could get there with. there's just some people, in real life, that you know are a-ok. romance aside, i am blessed to know what i believe are some of the greatest people in the world. additionally, could some also be great partners-in-crime? yep.

for a drinking game in a bar, it takes even less qualifiers than the aforementioned to be a smitten kitten for an hour: yeah, i'm unconditionally happy to see blank, or maybe i have a friend-crush on them. right now, for fun, it's drunken hypothetical love.

sidenotes: last night, when i was in michigan city, i fell asleep to say anything. two christmases back, my friend eric gave me a book called sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs. amongst other things, author chuck klosterman argues that this movie has ruined women's lives forever by giving us the fictional character of lloyd dobbler. the book is well written and funny, and i'll bite - i love lloyd dobbler. is there a woman out there, seriously, of any orientation, that doesn't? he's awesome. it's awesome. nothing can take this away. he's fun. he has dude friends. he has girl friends. he's not flaky. he's kind. he checks in. he's bumbling and adorable. he's cute. it hurts.

so, while trying to put lloyd to bed (seriously), i've also been hypothesizing about who i would marry in fake life if that was also possible, having my pick of celebs or fictionals. these people would serve as a guidepost on what to look for in real-time. now, marry is big, so let's get real. not just hot-skis, and not just people you'd drop the f-bomb wit'. [editor's note:besides, marrying people means you can drop f-bombs with them all the time. right? just say no to bonin'-slumps, america!]

anyway, here's my currents of celebs and fictionals (subject to change):

1. lloyd dobbler, still* (but NOT john cusack)
2. paul schneider, of all the real girls - but not in the movie, in real life
3. ricky gervais. his laugh alone is enough.
4. adam horovitz from the beastie boys*
5. jennifer aniston, because she seems real and nice
6. dave eggers, of mcsweeney's, circa 1997
7. martin freeman as tim from the office (british) - perfect. perfect.
8. calvin, of calvin and hobbes, grown up*
9. jimmy stewart, age 32*
10. reese witherspoon or queen latifah, tie
honorable mention: Paul Rudd; usa
*=constant adoration

these are in no specific order, though i think it's funny to have reese and U-N-I-T-Y specifically tied. i smell a buddy flick!

as for truth or bear-ing (or, in this case, baring)... even though the above list and my own hidden list is based in silly conversation and not heady ideals - man. my friends, my friend crushes, my you're-the-best-s? thank you for what you give everyday. you remind of the better, not of the just enough. and lloyd dobbler - well, he wants us to have all that shit.

1,2, 3-4-5

when i was waiting on the bus the other day listening to my iPod, i found myself just daydreaming and people watching. a man drove up on the other side of the street in a oversized suburban truck, and stopped at the red-light. with my headphones turned up, i noticed that the man was rocking out hardcore to something, pelting his steering wheel in time with a beat, and lip-synching with conviction to whatever he listened to. curious, i turned down my headphones.

he made eye-contact with me.
i laughed.

the song?
mambo number 5.

he looked embarrassed.

mentally, i sent him everything: don't stop, man! this is your JAM!
i pumped my fist in the air to show him i was with.

he laughed, and did it too.
green light.
somewhere, lou bega jr. is proud as punch.

showboat

michigan city, indiana.

i'm back with the blue chip crew - cayne, alida, and tim mason - plunked next to ye olde nuclear reactor, doing a big rally for 1500 people to open a huge-*ss casino boat tomorrow. there is an existing boat, but it wasn't big enough, apparently. now the boat is twice the size - maybe even 3 times, garish and "beautiful". today was a long tech for what is essentially a pep-rally to christen the gambling machine; though techs are tedious, with friends, nothing seems quite as long.

something i've learned in the last year while doing these gigs, amongst others, is that people in the gambling industry are just nice people. i was kind of judge judy when i came here the first time, along with the other streaks of casino chains several of us all hit to teach workshops, and first felt that the gambling industry is a gluttonous mess. it sure can be, however, the people that run it generally are not. i still have mixed opinions about gambling, and don't really know where i stand on it, but still have guilt pangs when i think about what it does for and to communities that choose to host it. it's sort of a car crash to me, and now, knowing people who are immersed in it makes me feel consistently conflicted.

i do know that if these people are happy- for now, i'm happy too. here, especially, on our 7th rally, we are treated as friends, spoiled like celebrities, and now, we are all invested somehow. i am honestly looking forward to tomorrow. i feel like celebrating with them.

mmm, mmm, chicken

today, for a long while, i worked in the dave and co. office. nice to be around there for a short stint, and fun to actively see how the comedy machine works over there again.

wrote two scripts to help eric out - a comedy machine himself, who's had a flurry of work to do this week with an influx of after-holiday business. i won't say who the scripts were for, but i will say they love chicken, and it might rhyme with koston flarket.

colonel sanders is a fuck.

oprah is coming, and she is pissed

i watched the james frey [A Million Little Pieces] interview this morning before i left for work, but it got cut off by the bush speech on the palestinean election. so, i actually came home tonight to see the rest of the show, which they replay in chicago late at night.

i get everything, and i think i may have missed a crucial stage of this debate, but am i the only one that doesn't think it's as big of a deal as oprah does? she was duped i suppose, but a lot of this seems to be about hurt feelings. he admitted to lying and embellishing, for anyone who didn't see it. i don't like lies (ask me about Lent, 1989!), but i guess it just seems like a publishing problem more than the embellishment of story by this poor ex-addict. am i wrong? opinions? nevertheless, i hope he grows from it and moves on.

sidebar, i've heard the book is good. anyone read it?

feels like the first time

tonight i had my very first "real" second city gig with bizco. it was a fun group or people to get in a van with, an all improv show... and even though i do this all the time, a little part of me had the jitters. another part of me didn't even think that was possible anymore, but it was. and is.
and i like that.

slow down, killer

second only to xsport, bally's at centrury mall is improv and young-person central. xsport is a nice gym, and it's underneath second city, which explains that. bally's, conversely, is 1 dollar a year, and that explains that.

if you go there and i don't know, please write me or comment, because a few of us are starting a little clubski to meet up once a week or something for a little midweek pick-me-up. workouts, when you do them 5 times a week, are pretty fucking boring. i used to hate working out with people, but now seeing pals there is nice. sometimes i get distracted with people around and that's the downside, but now it's good to be reminded that everyone is out there, doing healthy things rather than losing all their time in dens of bits or traditional offices, and has a different part of their life that you don't know about... that sort of thing.

let's talk about the weirdest thing, though. there is a guy who i have now worked out directly next to twice in the past week. bally's is big, and tons of people go there. how do i know this guy is the same guy, for sure?

HE
CHEWS
A
TOWEL
while doing an eliptical machine at 4.3 billion steps a minute!
...CHEWS A TOWEL!
LIKE, A WORKOUT TOWEL!

it is the weirdest thing i have seen in a long time. and it's aggressive, people. just aggressive chewing. this guy loves chewing! it's fully in his mouth, providing some weird ball-gag effect to eliminate pain from his speed-of-light circles.

sorry, friends, but if you chew sweat towels at the gym, you're out of the club.

theatrical experience and hootenanny

last night, i went to play the match game at iO as one of the improv celebs. it was a really, really fun show. lots of bits and it clipped along nicely, and i got to hold up a sign that read "douchebag", which evoked cheers from the house.

i got there a little early, though, and was pleased to see my roommate doing armando. armando, other friends, is a long-form improv show that is on monday nights that was known for featuring heavy-hitters back in the day, that many people from classes come and watch for good example. it's a fun show and draws a very passionate audience, and my roommate does tech for it every week.

i don't know if he reads this or not, but i just want to give him a shout out for truly respecting the legacy of this show. he wanted to play, they asked him this week, he played, did well, and couldn't have been more excited. there's something to be said for someone that has that much regard for a show, whether it's for it's past or in it's present, instead of just plowing through, like we're all able to do. it reminded me to be thankful for performing. it's really the coolest thing.

cheap date

i think that title, coupled with the below post, says it all.

this year (meaning, since three weeks ago), i haven't drank very much. i've never been a lush or anything, but nearly everyone has their college-isn't-so-far-away moments. in addition, in the community we're immersed in, drinking is blase, since bars are our playing field and smoky stages are our offices. now, drinking empty beers has been harshly restructured for me, so it now takes about 2 of something for me to be... wasters.

despite the obvious benefits of not drinking (keeping your scrilla, continuing health kick, not being drunk), the change has been a positive one because i hate being ruined the next day. you know, the smoky hair, the phone-sex voice, the need for sleep, the uselessness. since i don't have a traditional workday, no boss, the ownus is on me to make the best of my time, and it's my own fault when i don't.

but let's get real.

being drunk is fun. it is hard to top the intimacy that comes with being wasted with someone else, together. no topic goes unbreeched, inside jokes are born, and it is silly and great. talking and listening and learning about someone else is amongst my favorite things, and drunkenness gives you license to really get in there. plus, feelings you didn't know you had about things (and really, may not have about things) come out - and that, friends, is funny.

so, would i rather talk to someone over coffee than a beer? hmm. the adult part says mochas, but the 20 year old? she says cobras, y'all! actually, none of me says cobras. have you had one? don't.

it's a toss up.

to everything, there is a season.
a time to drink coff, a time to drink beer.
and really - both produce results that are satisfying... but one allows you to remember it all in the morning.

america is wasted!

holy whoops.

life is hard when you are wasted. after a long week of visitors and talks and hangs and thinks, i had a full day o impro and an even funner (i know) nght of drinkingat margarita jones. we were wasted, b ut i was the most wasted , and now, her e i am.

usa!

friends are fun.

love to steph, jen, steph m, deanna, mry jo, and self. self was there. we talked about things!

also, we have got to talk about iO. they stole my bonny! is anyone reading this that cares? you shouldf care! care! we'll talk!

gymbos: please advise

you have to listen to something at the gym. you HAVE to, right, ipod nation? please tell me what it is. preferably, very up-tempo. currently, i am between jt's justified (here we go, '02!) and the go! team. please distract me from the pain that is 3 miles of running or eliptical work by singing sweet noths in my ear(buds).

the knot.com -OR- (hint) i looove corningware!

wedding bells, y'all!

amidst visits and parties and dress-ups and late-nights in the past three weeks, i've had several good friends of mine proceed to get obscenely wasted. two of those people then proceeded to tell me the following statement: if i could marry anyone, it would be you.

in both of these extensive drunken convos, i did not initiate the subject, nor have the subject and i ever dated, nor have we even kissed on the cheek (until after they told me... you dig?). it struck me as funny that both of these guys - both very quality, single, lovely male friends - found the need to tell me this like it had been some bottled secret for months and months. now. right now. why now?

the can i tell you something?-s, in both cases, were adorable and unmerited; they turned to me as if they'd interrupted themselves, barging in with new courage to do it right then. i would then kind of make it a bit, and then we'd paw all over each other for fake, and for one second i'd allow myself to almost see it. however, there are reasons that i am just friends with these dudes - despite my own non-readiness, in no way, shape, or form are they ready for something serious. they are good hearted, wonderful, attractive, funny people who go through women like water - and know it.

so, why me? i must be The Perfect Fake Wife; the friendly alternative to a night at john barleycorn's (tm). these guys date beautiful, timid, and sometimes nice but vacant women - so i'll go big here and entertain that i'm just fun or silly, or that i understand them, or that there's no pressure, or that i'm simply invested.

hopefully though, right now, when we're being our good-selves at the cusp of a new year, people start to think about what they really want. in real life, maybe you need more than a bang in the back of iO (though hey, don't knock it 'til you try it*). this is the kind of thing i really hope, because this makes the compliment all the more flattering - that i could possibly be a combo of everything they actually want in another human being, in order to spend most days with them. that is the ultimate compliment.

[*not recommended by author or any of author's friends]

a note:
this might sound strange, but sometimes it seems funny to me that when you get married, you don't just stop the ceremony and say - thanks. thanks, man. like, casually but seriously. earnestly. i feel like you should never stop feeling honored and surprised that it someone is continuously saying to you, day by day - hey, it's you. despite the pomp and circumstance of a ceremony, and all the people standing there watching, it seems the perfect time for the most honest high-five you've ever given. you're choosing me, for the rest of your life? really? well, i choose you. i choose you too. that's pretty amazing. thanks.

i want to do this at my wedding.

so... while all this talk is extremely flattering, it's also a little confusing. confusing, because it's making me think about wide-scope things, about what is to be, let's say, years down the line. confusing because hypotheticals seem to be all i'm completely ready for - and though it's just fun talk while drunk, talk seems to be all anyone's ready to give, too. i'm hopeful, though. maybe we're all learning what we need together, getting our sea-legs, spreading our newly born damp wings in this newest year. at a time where i'm finally piercing through this chrysalis i've been transforming in, i've stopped to wonder what i really want. and, well, i guess i don't completely know.

i just hope i know it when i see it.

someday though, i'm going to high-five someone.
incredulously, i will mean it; because... i know... can you believe it...?

we did it.
we're doing it.
thank you.

if you're lost, you can look

i just heard a clip of cyndi lauper's body acoustic.
it's her singing acoustic versions of her hits with various stars.
i'm kind of into it.
i'm probably going to buy it.

don't judge me.

writer's blah(...ck)

i've found lately that the joy of writing here and for pleasure has been waning. all my corporate stuff- though a blessing financially and somewhat artistically - is making the fun part harder and harder to find fun.

generally, inspiration comes from interaction for me. well, either interaction or observation, and i feel like there hasn't been much time to just sit and be and think and play.

this week into next, i'm resolving to do just that.
talk, hang, touch, listen, know, hear, learn.
those things, the best things, seem to help everything - not just some silly quest of writing a better blackout.

this will matter to 31% of you

on wednesday, i have dinner with charna.

it's about hosting duties at iO. and whatever else, i suppose. anyone have anything that's been bugging them? maybe it can be like student council.

bang a gong, get it on

this upcoming week is full of fun.

first off, about everyone in the world was born these next two weeks - melewsk, kunks, meagan, deanna, sambone, norris - the list goes on, i'm sure. happy birthday, america! (not intended to confuse with the birth of america.) it's just one of those birthday pockets (not intended to confuse with hot pockets). man, there was some serious bangin' back on... may day? someone work this out. i don't get gestation.

tomorrow/today = long day of corporate comedy deadlines, and what is sure to be a fun orientation to more SC work. my iO team has a show, too, and i have c-spo on saturday evening. i've been a stress-case this week about a few things, so i'm looking forward to shows and built-in friend time. best of all, sunday, sometimes-roommates beth and brendo come home for the week. that usually leads to tom-foolery.

speaking of drinking, it's friday morning, so might as well get limber... time for a topical fpdg, even with a little friday the 13th questch. think of it as truth or truth. you drink for all answers.
*who's the last visitor you were truly anxious to see?
*what's something typical - or atypical - you're superstitious about?
*how long does one gestate?

little pleasures

you know how jewel and dominick's have those veggie sprayers that play "singin' in the rain"?

yeah, i like that.
somebody thought of that in 99, and was like - hey, wouldn't this be funny? there's no reason for it but to make you happy. that's it.

i'll take it.

biggie biggie biggie, can't you see

can you be hypnotized? any hypnotism stories?
i ask because i downloaded this thing on iTunes that's a hypnosis cd. it's supposed to make you sleep better and be more focused. what the hell, right? i love mind programming! 2006!

i don't think i'm a good candidate for hypnotism - but maybe i'm wrong (cluck); maybe i'm wrong.

connect, for

exhausted yet pleased, this weekend ruled on the connection front. two wonderful shows at csz - one onsite, one off - full of laughs for everyone. it made me joyously proud of the casts i was reffing. merman had a wonderful meeting as well. this weekend was full of some of the best of things; i had endless visits with older friends, newer friends, out-of-towners, and people who live here right here in the city who i don't see nearly enough. dinners, chats, drinks, walks, car talks, and hug-it-outs.

speaking of, evening car talks are among my favorite things in life. in fact, i'd put them in my personal top ten. sitting and talking for hours beyond the time you intended to drop someone off and go home is one of the things that makes friendship romantic to me. it's all in the ride. to continue, to experience; the let's just keep going, let's just see.

let's make out a little... for friendship.

starting over: finally losing it

has anyone seen the show starting over? when it was in chicago, i tried to make a point to catch it now and again, if only just for sight-seeing purposes. also, you may remember a woman on that first season named marilyn who wanted to be a comedian. starting over called me at csz and asked me to coach her because of my stand-up experience. they ended up going with someone who had chosen stand-up as a career, which i have not (cue chrissy saying i should've).

got home from ballo's, got a bowl of cereal, and flipped the old teev to wgn. first thought: this is still on? second thought: aww, they're still sad. third thought: really? - after watching a woman's goal flash across the bottom - "ridding life of chaos". fourth thought: you couldn't write this show as more of a bit. iyanla, one of the life coaches, just whipped out a brown sock pupp with googly-eyes and soul-patch and instructed Chaos to act out a show to rid herself of bags.

i'm riveted.
FPDG: truth or... truth?
if you had to have a slogan flash under your name - your focus and goal to "graduate from the house", what would yours be?

bits welcome.

community dare, 2006

i have a new resolution. this week, i received one of my favorite mailings: the guide from the discovery center. my roommates and i on occasion have ooh-ed and aah-ed at it, not believing the contents. for those not in chicago, the discovery cent is just a learning annex for community classes... however, mixed with the normal classes (tap dance, calligraphy), there sure are others.
here's a list of real discovery center courses for spring:
*secrets of a private eye
*past-life regression
*bondage and domination, an introduction
*networking for kinky people
*how to find the xtacy spot; orgasm school
*the wisdom of stones - the art of glacial lithmancy (what now?)
my resolution?: to take one of these courses as a bit, yet display no signs of such. someone, please come with!

it's oh so quiet

ever had a day when you realized how little you need to talk?

fighting some cold, and my voice is delightfully husky. went to the gym this morning, didn't even have to thank anyone for sliding my card, since everthing is automated now. took my class, slapped sufjan stevens on the old iPod, and went home. had a bunch of corp writing to do, so i did it, while my cat purred quietly at my feet. i usually have practice on tuesday nights, but not tonight. decided against a night out and went domestic; cleaned, went grocery shopping, reframed.

all this peace seems relatively poignant today, as i watched my order from netflix called Sound and Fury. it's a documentary about cochlear implants, and i've been wanting to see it for a long time.

my friend mary, a friend of amy's from ND, got cochlear implants back in 2002. since then, i've been pretty fascinated by the recent debate between the hearing deaf and profoundly deaf (real term). this story follows a family who has several deaf members, and new children are born to a few siblings. the youngest are both deaf - but one was born to a hearing brother, and one was born to a deaf brother. they vigorously, emotionally debate what to do since the new advances of implants.

before you judge and immediately think - of course you get the implant! - it's much more complex than that. see the movie if you can, because it does a good job of showing you what deaf culture is like, and why deaf people feel like that their community is being left behind. it's all very parallel to losing your racial culture, your socio-economic culture, what that means. you'll have your opinions, but you'll also get it, and this stuff - like anything loaded - is rooted in emotional, difficult decision.

my uncle bobby was deaf. my grandmother caught german measles while she was carrying him, and it incapacitated his eardrums. my mom grew up very differently than she lives now, in a trailer with 5 siblings in north carolina. to paint an easy picture, imagine any pat conroy novel, with toeheaded youngsters playing in creeks and skipping stones. my mom's father and mother struggled, and my grandfather's abuse led to no communication with the brother. he forbid signing in the house. though my mom was frustrated and felt guilt, they didn't have many tools at their disposal to create any language but their own.

this delayed bobby's capability of learning - he couldn't sign at all, and nature and nurture were both playing against him. every christmas, my uncle came over to our house and was wonderful; he lip-read well, but had trouble communicating, so often at day's end he'd be found sitting alone. because of this, i learned how to sign in college. besides being generally interested, i thought it would be a nice surprise to come home one day and show my mom and her closest sister, lois, and help them learn sign too.

i've lost mostly everything i knew, though like any language, i can pick it up quickly if it's shown to me. one summer, the basic knowledge i had first learned was then put to use as my mom, aunt and i went to visit bobby in his assisted living home.

if it needs to be said, i don't get nervous about many things, but here? i was absolutely terrified. i was going to speak the equivalent of broken english to a man who had been shunned by his own father because of sheer prejudice, and it had altered his life profoundly. what if he was mad at me? what if it was somehow insulting? we walked in the door and and he waved from inside the window. i was happy to see him. he came out and we walked into the elevator together.

tara, do it, my mom said with her lips away, secretly urging me to talk to bobby. so i turned to him and began to sign. i know very little, i said, but i can talk with you.

bobby's hands covered his mouth. his eyes filled with tears and he stared at me. we stood in silence for what seemed like forever, but it was only seconds. he dropped his hands. he was smiling as big as a person can. his hands began to fly.

slow down, slow down! i signed, laughing super hard. i'm not too good at this yet, very little, very little. he would giggle, and say things to me in very basic asl. i told him i knew i wasn't very good, but he was so encouraging. it's so good, he said.

my uncle died a few years ago, and i have wondered what his life would have been had he been able to make the decision so many struggle with today. when mary got cochlear implants, she was very good about getting the information. mary was raised "hearing-deaf", which means she was not taught sign, but taught to solely use her voice. after the implant, she told us all something interesting that's since stayed with me. everything has a sound, she said. it's overwhelming. as a hearing person, you learn to ignore sounds and filter important sounds in. implants have to be constantly adjusted for this. mary worked in a corporate office, next to a soda machine. people putting change in and having soda cans slam to the bottom was a noise that she absolutely HATED, and the frequency hit her hard. when she'd go home at night, she'd flip on syndicated seinfeld and ask what the annoying noise was. her husband kevin would tell her it was a laugh track, and she'd wonder why people would ever need that. did they need to be told when something was funny? she never had.

on days like today when i don't talk as much, i notice how much i listen, and i've thought about everything outside my busy window near clark street, passing me by.

oh - and the most beautiful sound in the world to mary, and still a running joke? a flushing toilet. she loved it.

beauty is most certainly everywhere.

turnin' tricks in '06

yeah! after a couple of late evenings/mornings, the first post here in 2006 is of course a check in to say i LOVE(!) and the happiest of new years to all of you. you, most likely, are a kickass person that i couldn't love more. you heard right.

IMPT! year theme vote! which do you like betts?
what's in the mix, '06?
get your fix, 06!
turn some tricks '06
suck some d*cks, '06! (negative)
suck some d*cks in '06! (positive?)
play sweet licks, '06
there's nougat in snicks, '06

write in votes will also be accepted.