Thursday, June 30, 2005

we are living through something big

i can't believe i haven't posted about this yet, since it's all i can talk about:

i won't even bore you with how many jokes and discussions have come out of this.
if you haven't gone, do yourself a favor and go.
it is one of the worst-best things you've ever seen. chicago is being rocked by this 5 part epic.
the bit potential = highest.

car part II / empty pockets, usa

so, 432 dollars later...

my fender is reattached.
my brakes are new.
my headlights work.
i am alive again.

432 bones.
...that's a lot of funny.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

yer car's makin' a funny noissse, 'der

taking the ol' x-terra into the shop today: essentially, my when i hit my brakes, it sounds like i'm stopping on snow, kinda grindy sounding. brake pads?

i dunno much about cars. i should sign up for one of those ladies-learning-about-cars classes at like, the discovery center or whatever the f*ck. i want to be the kind of girl that's like - oh, that? that's your regular belt slappin' up against your alternator*, etc.

anyway, off i go.

*i am sure this is near impossible.

Monday, June 27, 2005

on pride, and lack thereof

sunday was the pride parade.
it ruled.

as someone who's gone through ups and downs on what the parade means to me, it was a reaffirming experience, for the most part. the parade here is the 2nd largest in the nation, second only to san fran. pretty awesome. i've already stated how grandiose and meaningful this parade can be, so that's taken care of. what i haven't talked about is me being a jackass in the back of a pickup truck for hours on end.

per usual, i was recruited by my pals at second city to promote gayco upcoming events in the parade. a., this is always a fun way to see the parade, and b., i'm learning i'm good at it because i have no pride. if you need someone to yell out stuff, it's probably me. if you need me to slap stickers for a show on someone's dong, call this guy. if you need me to teen-wolf truck-surf, fantastic. shame = out of the equation.

i've learned that teen-wolf truck-surfing (tm)* is the easiest way to be hit on ever. being in a truck in front of 40,000 people while passing out stickers gives you a huge, bizarre, skewed vision of your power. maybe because of that power, people find you unbearably attractive. also, booze makes you look unbearably attractive. and boozebags love parades.

so, after getting some scattered hang time with my pals from gayco between high-fiving and yelling, and seeing a million friends on the sidelines, the parade came to an end. after disassembly of the float-ish truck, i took another long walk home. on the way, i saw a man standing outside a starbucks on broadway. i was alone, so i had no distractions and could hear everything he said. he was drunk - maybe around 40 years old or so. he was crying, but one of those sadbox cries where there's no dignity: kind of a whiny cry with head-hanging and few actual tears involved. his friend was propping him up, placing both palms flat on his shoulders, pushing his limp body against the wall to stand. "no, you're okay, you're okay," the friend reaffirmed. the whiny guy, who i could not take my eyes from, muttered "but, do you like me?"

nothing about this guy, at this point, right now, was likable. i flashed back to every middle school dance and note-passing/text-receiving fiasco i've ever witnessed or been a part of, and i felt for this poor sap. seemingly, in the few seconds i shared with this man, the storyline seemed to be that he really wanted to be with consoling friend, and consoling friend was not havin' it, for whatever reason. the saddest part, though, is that it was so clear from the outside that the more this guy fumbled through it, or tried to understand it, the worse he looked. and on the day when he should've had the most pride, he ended up looking like he had the least.

i hope your next day is better, pal. at least you've taught me a valuable lesson - never continue to ask for someone to like you the right way - do the best you can to deserve it, and if you aren't getting it, don't stand outside a starbucks and beg for it.

*thank you, zach thompson, for making "tm" a part of my permanent vocab.

shout outz

the 8 o'clock show on saturday night at csz was one of the most-fun-onstage shows i've played in a while.

we always have a blast in the green room basement, too - two weeks ago, i had a great time with so many peops downstairs - it's such a fam. i laugh so hard everyday. so much fun.

is this my job?*

it was also fun because we didn't necessarily expect it; i reffed on sat night, and man, it was a sweatbox. our mr. voice sound system was down, and more importantly, our air-conditioning broke while we had a house of 175, thus making it the hottest show ever.
also, it was the hottest show ever.
thanks to the cast: prouts, dr. jim, wolfs, vitas, ro-no, teutont, ross bryant, shark, and jt for the fun times, that time.

*please remind me sometimes that i don't hate what i do.

Friday, June 24, 2005

yes, virginia, there is a santa claus

i've decided to go to virginia at the end of july.
my great friend, joey, is going to lebanon, va, to teach an kid improv/drama camp. he asked me a while back if i'd be interested in going, and i had time to think about it. i did think about it, and now i'm itchin' to go.

lots of corporate work is popping up - casino gigs, comedysportz work, dave and co. corporate sessions. but one of the biggest regrets i have in life is not getting to joey and heather's wedding in VA in 2003, in heather's hometown; and i feel like this trip will be quality time with them that will make me feel like i'm living that more than i could then. i can't wait. more on that development as it comes.

sometimes this time, this stuff, seems to count more.

thoroughly modern minneapolis, or
challenge: phone an ex- today

visitors came in tonight.

my friend sam from college and her girlfriend kara came in. it was great. they are traveling from minneapolis to go to the super fun columbus event, comfest. it's worth it - it's a street fair in ohio where lots of people gather downtown-ish. a favorite. a community fest.

here in chicago, we are lucky enough to experience that all the time. i tried to convince them to stay for pride here on sunday, but they have no scope of just how big pride is. i remember living in ohio, and thinking pride in columbus/cleveland/cincinnati was awesome. here, it's another ballgame. i think that i'm torn on the politics of what the pride parade has become, but generally, i think it's pretty awesome. the difference in a huge city vs. a big city is this: people who are straight, big families, traditional, come out to celebrate the weekend and cheer it on - and whether it's false or not, it gives you a sense that people are moving forward and becoming more progressive. so, here, it seems like even those who are fiscally conservative, let's say, are still on board with da gayz. that was encouraging to me when i moved here. amazing. as things have changed, i still remember that feeling and how accepting i felt chicago was.

sam was my first girlfriend ever. we went through a lot. she brought her new girlfriend, kara, with her from minneapolis. they've been dating about a year - she's lovely. they are sleeping in my apartment now, in the back empty bedroom, as i type. amy, who is a great pal from high school and another wonderful ex i have, is also sleeping on our couch after a night of debauchery. this sounds insane, but it couldn't be more normal. i love that these people i have cared about have stayed close as friends - after all, after you invest in someone, why wouldn't you continue to love them somehow?

a sad part of tonight: we found out that a friend from the class above ours in high school passed away from complications of juvenile diabetes in her sleep on tuesday night. it was a huge shock, and i don't even know what to think about it. life is fragile. i feel like i haven't found a good way to deal with this kind of stuff, because all i could mumble at dinner was "that's fucked up" a thousand times. you know, i take it back - maybe you should never get good at hearing stuff like this.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

kid fever II / not quite dead inside

i spoke too soon.
went on a csz4kids remote today to a preschool in naperville, about an hour away. all the kids were 3 or 4 years old, super tiny. and my clock? suddenly ticked.

this is only the second time in history where i feel like that has ever happened.

today, this little girl named sarah came up to play a game called audience sfx. in this game, the audience volunteer - in this case, a little one - gets to hold a mic and make a bunch of noises in it that fit (or don't fit) a scene. she was really shy, so by the end of the explanation, to the other players i said something like "you know what guys? i'm gonna stay here with sarah." she seemed nervous, so i wanted her to feel safe. whenever something would happen in the scene, like a dog running by or something, i'd lean to her ear and say "what sound would a dog make?" - and she'd shyly bark into the mic, then look at me for approval. "good, that was perfect!", i'd say. by the end of the game, she was curled up in my arms and i was hugging her, while she made tiny sounds of doors opening, cats meowing, windows closing.

talk about windows closing.
too dramatic... i'm young. life has changed a lot for me in the past year or so. just makes you think a lot. so, just how do people have kids in my field? women... how does this work? does it work? do you compromise? it's not pending, but i guess it just confuses me.

is there a way to have both lives?

i think there's a need for a distinction here: kids are always cute. i love kids. my nephews and niece, especially, RULE. they are fun, sweet, funny, polite, kind, and smart. but re: kids in general throughout life, i've had a more gutteral reaction to other things. like puppies. this isn't a bit. and i'm sure there is something to that: i think it's because i felt like i could have one, and when i saw one, it wasn't just cute, it was something i wanted or could have. kids never did that to me. now, i am not ready, nowhere near. far from. relationships still scare the hell out of me. but all the sudden - kids seem like something i'd like someday again.

well, at the very least...
it's safe to say the grinch's heart grew three sizes this day.

Monday, June 20, 2005

kid fever

randomly, two kids (that i didn't know) ran up to me and grabbed me today.

one was at a restaurant this morning while we were still in iowa. a little guy reached up and (mistakenly?) grabbed my hand while i was standing in line with everyone else waiting to be seated. i said hi. he smiled and ran off to the back with his fam.

later tonight, i went to jewel to grab a few things - while i was in line, a little girl with cute afro-puffs being held by her mom leaned forward and put her hand, then head, on my shoulder. "tired?" i said. she nodded and sleepily smiled. "you and me both," i said, and she giggled. it could have been the witticism, but more likely, it was me playing peekaboo after.

thankfully, i'm dead inside and don't have a biological clock (yet).

outta dodge

thankfully, i got lucky and a gig came upon me that made me do what anyone should do when they're self-loathing and angry at things: get the hell outta dodge.

had a great time from saturday am-sunday afternoon in iowa city. i went on a SC GayCo remote with half scripted material and half improv junk to the pride festival there. pride month rules. people rule. several elements RULED: a., people being generally pride-filled around this quaint little city, b., our accomodations were nice, a fancier sheraton, c., our host was lovely and provided us with good pay and a delightful meal, d., gayco was welcoming and wonderful to all, not dependent on whether you were glbt or not, e., i got to spend a lot of time with 3 people i didn't know well (mandy, stuart, and blaine the stage mgr), and f., i got to spend tons of time with one of my great friends i DO know well (joey) - we got to room togeth and had a super fun sleepover.

something i miss about being a little more immersed in the glbt community is how much appreciation you receive for doing outreach shows. it's really amazing to go someplace where they aren't saturated with theatre and comedy that shadows their own lives and situations. it's nice. it feels service-y in some ways, and i'd like to find a way to be more service-like in improv.

in addition, this weekend has made me want to do about 83 more roadtrips this summer. i have had a serious hankering for Glacier National Park or the Badlands, both of which are out of reach. iowa city was about 3.5 hours away, and that was very doable. earlier this week, in our 1.5 hour trip to michigan city, indiana, my friend Cayne told me about a place called Dickeyville (waiting... you have a joke? wait, there it is! get it? it's about a dong!) - it's someplace in wisconsin, maybe about 4 hours out. a priest felt it was his calling to build a grotto up there, but started and made the grotto completely out of trash. he died before completion, and a bunch of people traveled there and finished it. now, it's become a more recently popular-ized weird tourist site, like the biggest ball of twine, wall drug, or mitchell's corn palace. apparently, it's also only 30 minutes from the field of dreams site.


so, something is on the docket. i'm not sure what. in a few weeks, i'll be heading home to c-bus. that will be the best. it's the best.

where else should i go within reach, midwesterners? have car, will travel.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

live from chicago

i had a really fun show at io last night with my team, merman.
lorne michaels was at improvolympic last night.
this is not a bit.

but, he wasn't there for our show.

lorne + entourage were invited there for a SNL showcase, made up of some the "top improvisers" in the theater - much later on, to a closed audience. i was lucky enough to watch this show and see many of my veteran friends perform, which was lovely. these shows are certainly hard to shine in. keep in mind -the rough estimate of IO performers is around 500. that's not including students - that bumps the number way up, beyond a 1000 just at that theater. back in the day, i was asked to do this show, but then didn't hear anything about it. i wasn't surprised this week. anyone reading this may know what i mean.

there were 38 men in the show last night. there were 7 women. 7.

i love improv. i care for IO. i know these things are hard. knowing that i have a lot of improvisers reading this, it's best to keep my generally positive mouth shut about everything that i think regarding what's happening there right now. but boy, i invite you to comment.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

my pride & joy

yesterday, as i was wrapping up the 5th of the 5 scripted rallies we had done for blue chip casinos, i was wearily walking back to my hotel room to pack up the car and get on the road. we had started the rallies at 7, so it was a 12-hour performance day.

i stumbled into the elevator with my castmates. we were in decent moods, but we were spent.

an elderly gentlemen got into the elevator with us, and his wife shuffled aboard as well. "hey," he said, twinkly eyed and spirited, "want to see a picture of my dead aunt?"

we all stood there for a minute, and even though we hoped we knew, we all said yes.
the man grabbed his wallet and flipped to the pictures. an orange card was in his photos, with a picture of a carpenter ant on it. underneath, it read plainly, "my dead ant".

we laughed in spite of ourselves. my floor was the lowest floor, so i got a minute to walk alone, chuckling down the hall.

thanks to that guy.

Monday, June 13, 2005

wheels of fortune, prime rewards, and flying high

i am having a great day.
for some reason, today is one of those days when everyone around me seems uber-interesting. i've talked to a million people for no reason other than pure interest; people bored working behind counters, at the sodium-laced buffet, at the next slot machine. i am dreading tomorrow, because i know it'll kill my voice - but i am loving it in my head for pure client interaction. almost all the people in this casino staff will be at the rallies - there's near nothing better than workshopping with people that are just learning improv.

i am at the casino, staying overnight in the hotel down the way from the "riverboat". the scenic "river", as it stands here, is about 4 feet deep and as wide as said boat. in order for it to be legal, they have to have coast guard staffed on it at all times. this industry is insane.

more on tomorrow as it comes.
until then, here's something that's a time killer and a new favorite pasttime - go to friendster. i don't usually check it, but they now have a horoscope for every single friend you have; i am obsessed with reading near every one. apparently this week, i am "flying high" with a lot of people.

hope you are, too.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

michigan city, indiana

... is where i'll call home for the next two days, starting tomorrow morning.
i'll keep you in the loop, so we can ALL learn a little something about corporate buzz sessions and rallies via improv training - all for & within a chain Casino nestled next to a nuclear reactor.

hey, things are growing all the time.
(by growing, i mean, seriously, it's next to a nuclear reactor.)


a very long corporate comedy weekend paid off ... america loves Zody!
and for the low, low retail price of $1,074, you can love her in YOUR home!


this weekend, for me, was the same as what i imagine a 6'2" nordic blondie must feel like on a photo shoot... i was completely and utterly objectified for ye olde golden throat.

each time this happened, it never got completely old, and i never quite found the right footing. every time i went to meet a client, they couldn't remember my name, pointed to me and introduced me to more clientele by saying "this is Zody". then i'd say something effusive and overzealously charming, trying to enamour myself to them, and what i'd get in return?

"talk more," they'd say, having heard no message; their mouths had fallen agape. "say something that Zody would say!"

...they know Zody's a mesh-backed chair, right?

what WOULD she say?

so, eventually, i'd fumble out a few things, and they'd just stand in awe. it was mostly flattering, but a tiny part of me couldn't help but laugh at the instinct i had to recoil from the feeling of being used so hard. every time i said anything, it was followed by the inevitable "why don't you give me a wake-up call in the morning?" or the more risque "wouldn't mind a longer call at night!"... ... ...we get it.

the trade show went off with little to no hitches on our behalf. dave and lind-b aced it, in my book - they were in the booth and project managing, respectively. was psyched to work with some common pals on a different level - dave and co typically uses a core of people for gigs, and this time, dave had a few more come in as extras. wonderful, since it was originally just three of us.


now, dave & co is basically done with this project. i, however, am being considered to be contracted for the voice of Zody for the internal videos (called "industrials" in my field), and possibly a commercial spot later in 2005.

until then, i think i'll be going through some serious seperation anxiety.
keep her close, y'all.

Friday, June 10, 2005

rita hayworth gave good... chair?

from the land of corporate comedy...

this weekend, i am doing a dave and co gig, and this one takes the cake.

haworth, the office chair company some of you may be very familiar with, is holding a conference to reveal the new, sleek, lumbar-supportive, uber-expensive "Zody" unit.

guess who is the voice of the sexiest chair in town?
thiiiiiisssssss guyyyyyyy.

we're doing a corporate parody of Behind the Music/E True Hollywood Story, and it's all a reveal of this luxury model chair. i promise you, this is no hack outfit, this is unreal. lots of powerpoint, graphic design, streaming video, huge IMAG-ed movie screens, musical accompaniment - all in a 2000 seat theatre in downtown Chicago at the new Millenium Park. this is the kind of sh*t corporations and people lose their minds over; manufactured excitement for a manufactured product.

you'd think this work wouldn't necessarily be continuously gratifying, but you see what being the sexiest chair in town does to YOU.

i dare you.
try not to get too hungry with power.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

safety school + iPeople

today, i walked by this elementary school by my old apartment called the nettlehorst school. the school is plopped right in the middle of lakeview/boystown. it's a neat community where there are both many new traditional families eating brunch, and the Gay Caribou (it is actually called that, it's the gayest Caribou Coffee in the nation). the school is an old chicago-y building, with cut-outs of flowers and snowflakes pasted to the window in summer and winter, respectively.

little kids were on the traditional chicago playlot, a paved blacktop patch with swings or something else america likes, but much smaller than your average midwestern playground with "Big Toy", the "Bubble", a "turtle" and the like. these kids were tooling around on a variation of a trike, and it struck me that these kids were in safety school.

safety school is probably one of the first real memories i have. everyone says they remember things earlier ('i remember my first christmas!", "i remember being born!", etc.), but i don't know if i buy it. i certainly think it's possible to remember things earlier than i did. i also think that there's lots of things you are told & retold- and as an adult, you get the sensation that you remember it... even though what you remember is hearing it, not acually feeling it all the way. kinda like the feeling when you have deja vu.

at worthington estates, when i was 4 or 5, i would get dropped off for safety school. i think it was a little earlier than noon, and it was in late summer. i skipped preschool, so safety school was the first thing i really learned in an academic setting, and i was hooked. you ride a tricycle around a marked path, pedaling through the roads of safety town. you learn to stop at stop signs, go at green lights, to look both ways, to find important buildings. it's essentially a kiddo's driver's ed.

i tried really hard to ace safety school, and since i was uber-shy as a wee one, i put my nose to the grindstone and concentrated hard on everything but social aspects (this will come into play someday, inversely). today, i saw a few kids that looked exactly like i must've: focused, driven, serious about safety, unflinching at other kids. i could've stood there forever.

later, i was also pissed at myself. i was pissed because i finally came to the realization that my iPod has made everything - yes, everything - a profound experience. i love it. i love the damn little thing, and i hate myself for loving it. for instance, at the time walking by safety school, i was listening to the kind-of gut-wrenching garden state soundtrack, where every phrase may as be a metaphor for anything scenic. did it make me have more of a sensory reaction? yep. it's a JOKE.

see a flower poking through a fence, while listening to "Lovely Day" by Bill Withers? great! life is glorious- right, iPod? see that elderly gentlemen, hunched over like the letter C, shuffling down the street? how amazing that i'm mulling over "Old Man", by Neil Young! you said it, iPod - i AM a lot like you were! see that homeless guy taking a dump? fantastic! wait, let me just shuffle... hold on... i'm sure i've got something in here that will make this beautiful!

i am exactly what iPod wants! i am that guy! i walk everywhere now, thinking everything over a little too much, pondering every last detail, of every little thing. it's DUMB! i hate you, iPod, for making me this guy!

i don't know why it's different than carrying a walkman around; my theory is that the lightweightness of it makes you think you have a soundtrack going in your head. maybe.
or maybe i've finally lost it.
it has changed me.
thoughtfulness is for sucks.

we get it, iPod.

Monday, June 06, 2005


take a time out.
i'm listening to a mix cd, and the song "boom boom boom" is on it.
not "boom boom boom, let's go back to my room"; or even "we like the cars, the cars that go boom". but the 96-ish classic that goes "boomboomboom, let me hear you say way-oh! (way-oh!)".

in this trendy, seemingly harmless song, we hear the following...
(Ow, I came to)
Make you shake it/Till you break it/Caress your body until you're naked
Bend you over/Grab your shoulder/Slip my peter inside your folder
Make you sweat-ah/Get you wet-ah/Pump it faster to make it bett-ah
Dim the the lights then lock the room
'Cause now it's time for me to hit that boom!

None of this bothers me except the following:
but, please use this line with me. it will always work.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

baby got back

here's something ironic, possibly in an alanis morisette kind of way.

i've been doing a lot of shows lately - a few people have been warning me that maybe it's too much, and that i should take it easy. me being me, and me realizing that is my sole source of income, i stuck with all the shows i was scheduled for. lo and behold, friday, at a csz4kids show in the daytime... crack-o! something gave in my back after i had flung a few kids around onstage.

so, after that - i had five scheduled shows left in the weekend. what a dumbass. i got out of three of them, leaving only the csz 8pm, and my show at io tonight. it was tough stuff, getting through these shows that remained, but i'm glad i got out of the other ones. csz was fine, small crowd, something that all theatres deal with when the nice weather rolls around each season. not to mention that the air conditioning at io broke tonight, and holy balls, it was all you could do to think about anything on stage to say under the oppressive heat blanket. that makes for smart improv, y'all!

now, onto the injury: your opinion is needed. what do i have?
the symptoms = lower back pain, didn't feel it happen - felt it post-throw arounds, when i went to sit down and relax after the show it hurt suddenly. i can walk, but when i walk, my legs feel like they are on auto-pilot, like at any time they could buckle (but they haven't yet). just wobbly. dig? and, there is a lot of tightness and pain. that's why i'm on mescaline and crank! (jokes.)

well, the high point of all this - since i wasn't feeling great, my busiest time became a much more quiet one. my sunday, for the most part pre- and post-show, was spent resting - reading books and magazines, listening to music, watching people on the wrigleyville streets down below. even now, after my show, i'm typing on my laptop in bed, with candles lit and the window open. there's a street fair on sheffield about a block down, the first one to kick off the much loved street fair season in chicago. the summertime payoff here is amazing - after bitter, windy, white winters, the best of chicago is left for us in these months. it's wonderful.

happy broken sunday, everyone.

Friday, June 03, 2005

this weekend, at the chuckle hut

if you're one of those lovely people that's trying to see a show of mine, here's my weekend and general-public show schedj...

[*comedysportz is short-form, for those who don't know - really similar to whose line?, with two teams that compete for points with a emcee (a referee) to mediate. crazy fun.
*improvolympic is the home of the harold - a long-form improv structure where an ensemble of 8-12 people create a completely improvised piece based on one suggestion for about 30 minutes. very funny, and sometimes has the ability to be a little artsy in conjunction.]

friday, 10:30pm - comedysportz mainstage, red team captain
saturday, 2pm - CSz4Kids, for kids 3-12 years old
saturday, 8pm - comedysportz mainstage, red team
saturday, 10:30pm - comedysportz mainstage, referee
sunday, 8pm - merman, at the improvolympic

remember when i did one show every three weeks? times have changed. :)

Thursday, June 02, 2005

chicago's bachelorette headquarters (TM)

i know so far there has been quite a bit of wedding talk, which is super unusual - though i guess the season is upon us, is it not? ah, june-ish. today amy called me, and had an urgent request for me to help her. her friend from law school, tacy, is having her bach party this weekend in vegas away from the hubby, and she had no supplies.

so, enter me, miss-daytimes-free, to go shopping for lady-gifts. let it be known: i hate this stuff. the ecoutrements- the ones i've become all too familiar with each summer weekend at comedysportz. the men, fueled up at pre-bachelor parties at ye olde comedy theatre, wheeling in pony-kegs and hooting together in a drunken clump. but, better yet are the women at bachelorettes coming in with their gaggle; the bride-to-be wearing a beefy-tee with condoms tacked on, peering under phony wedding veils, and gulping their boone's farm through a mini-penis straw. there's something endearing about it all - but mostly, at a family friendly show, you learn how quickly you have to distract a late-night audience from noticing a woman wearing shirt screaming "i like ballsacks!".

today, i saw where all that stuff was born.
a place called "batteries not included", in the heart of wrigleyville, which proudly boasts it is the headquarters for these respectable items.
there was no shock in seeing these items, since i feel as jaded as possible on head-shop paraphenalia as someone should (?); but america, have we no creativity? do we really need a scavenger hunt game devised simply to make the bride make out with as many left-over dudes as she can find? do we need plastic-bling-encrusted tiaras screaming "hottie!"? or worse, how many items can we stick in our carts with the word pecker in the title (i.e. pecker dice, pecker ear jewels, pecker cake mold)?

the answer? 23.
when in rome, i say.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

always a bridesmaid, never one of two brides

the ladies Posted by Hello... to you.

new beginnings, part I

so, this is generally the reason i wanted to start writing again.

two big things happened this week.

my b-fri from high school got married to her partner; my best pal in chicago moved to vegas for a second city mainstage. this second part will come later.
i've known chrissy since i was fourteen. after our glory days of catholic high school, we (and several of our high school friends - around 20 of us) have kept in very close contact through the years. through college, through moves, through sickness and health. we've always had a perfect way of relating, and our friends always seemed to be ahead-of-the-times i felt, having a lot of (mostly) innocent fun and growing up together in a wonder-years kind of way.

chrissy - she's always been smart, fun-loving, goofy, kind as all get out, and amazing in general. she luckily found someone to match all those great things in her in her partner of nine years, tracy, probably one of my favorite people on the planet.

the wedding was one of the best i've ever been to. unbearably classy, sleek lines, both in simple baby pink jcrew wedding gowns, while we wore a chocolate brown. they were glowing with happiness. tracy's family is amazingly supportive - consisting of a proactive mother, her lovely sister, and father - a real guy's guy that came around to the idea through the years. chrissy's family is old school cath italian - and though they've struggled with what everything means, and tried to make sense of it through the years - they actually came to the wedding and saw their daughter begin a marriage to an amazing woman. (in mass, gay marriage is currently legal.)

because of all this, this past weekend was a real emotional minefield. everything seemed at the surface, just under the skin, but not necessarily in only the sad ways. chrissy and tracy were glowing, and so was i. it's pretty neat to see any of your close friends get married and grow together with someone else, but it's exceptionally impressive and inspiring to see people that have faced some molehills climb onward to continue a relationship that truly makes them better people together.

also because of this, i feel like a failure.
okay, okay - too much, but can we talk about this?
throughout the weekend, there was so much to do. we were in boston, and we got a packet of things we could spend some time on while we weren't doing wedding stuff. we took a trolley tour downtown, we walked around quaint parts of town; 6 of us met up with two inspiring teachers from our high school that live in providence-ish for tapas lunch and heard about their lives. we dug in tracy's mom's garden, planting flowers and mulching, getting ready for the ceremony. maybe best of all, we went kayaking one morning on the charles river, watching turtles bask in the sun as we got little tan lines ourselves.

every picture hanging of chris&trace was so interesting - tracy, as a river guide in the grand canyon, chrissy playing some random sport. alone or with friends, smiling, laughing, doing bits. if you were strangers with these two people at the start of the wedding, you would have known them completely in one weekend's time.

for this reason, i feel like i have to be a more active participant in my life. believe me, i get that repeating what i do sounds really interesting. and, it is. and, i'm blessed. but, there is something to be said for really getting out there and LIVING, being in the world, digging and rafting, sporting and laughing. so, i'm going to try harder to marry my two worlds like they have.

see what i did there with marry?
see what i did?

this is the most serious i'll ever be. i'm just all inspired and sh*t.

you guys rule.

man, you tell a few people that you're back on the scene, and they are all about it! thanks for making me feel like this is important, you guys. i was kicking this around this weekend, kind of just as a revisit to "journaling" (garf!), because i like to know where i was or what i've done, but i hate investing in the time doing so. i have a few friends that are traveling a lot, and i was remembering how nice it was to be able to post and just feel more connected to everyone this way, too. family, friends, all that - just seemed easier, and you gain more time not rehashing and regurgitating your life account back up whenever you get the chance to see someone again. it's a waste of time when you could just be hanging.

so, for any of you random readers (tm) who are reading and are new to me, some facts:
i'm 28 years old.
i'm a laaaaaaa-dy.
life is generally satisfying.
i have two brothers, a mom, a sister-in-law, two nephs, and a niece. they are great.
as seen above, i abbreviate frequently.
i have been super fortch to have made some of the best friends ever.
i'm living in chicago, doing improv and sketch comedy (amazing), as well as "corporate comedy" (yep). i make 100% of my living from these items. when i say 100%, i mean about $3.16. yOInG! we'll get there later; it is usually thrill-city to do, and additionally, confusing to explain to the average bear.
what else?
i'm that guy that has a cat who doesn't care for cats, but thinks MY cat is the exception.
hey, i can hear wrigley field from my apartment. and the train. and drunks. I'M LIVIN' IT!
i am warm in person, but sometimes have a hard time communicating about "real" things. so...
blogs make life easy.

tons of stuff has been going on all around me this past couple of weeks. for selfish reasons, i'd like to post about those soon, just to hash it all out for ME, 'cause lorrrrr, i am a scramblepuss.

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