chicago's bachelorette headquarters (TM)

i know so far there has been quite a bit of wedding talk, which is super unusual - though i guess the season is upon us, is it not? ah, june-ish. today amy called me, and had an urgent request for me to help her. her friend from law school, tacy, is having her bach party this weekend in vegas away from the hubby, and she had no supplies.

so, enter me, miss-daytimes-free, to go shopping for lady-gifts. let it be known: i hate this stuff. the ecoutrements- the ones i've become all too familiar with each summer weekend at comedysportz. the men, fueled up at pre-bachelor parties at ye olde comedy theatre, wheeling in pony-kegs and hooting together in a drunken clump. but, better yet are the women at bachelorettes coming in with their gaggle; the bride-to-be wearing a beefy-tee with condoms tacked on, peering under phony wedding veils, and gulping their boone's farm through a mini-penis straw. there's something endearing about it all - but mostly, at a family friendly show, you learn how quickly you have to distract a late-night audience from noticing a woman wearing shirt screaming "i like ballsacks!".

today, i saw where all that stuff was born.
a place called "batteries not included", in the heart of wrigleyville, which proudly boasts it is the headquarters for these respectable items.
there was no shock in seeing these items, since i feel as jaded as possible on head-shop paraphenalia as someone should (?); but america, have we no creativity? do we really need a scavenger hunt game devised simply to make the bride make out with as many left-over dudes as she can find? do we need plastic-bling-encrusted tiaras screaming "hottie!"? or worse, how many items can we stick in our carts with the word pecker in the title (i.e. pecker dice, pecker ear jewels, pecker cake mold)?

the answer? 23.
when in rome, i say.