Tuesday, January 31, 2006

the dobbler effect

my iO team, merman, hung out for a while after our show on friday night. as many of our hangouts progress, we end up playing a game of truth or bear (you imitate a bear doing something, like returning a book to the library, then tell the truth about the question you're asked; SELF-EXPLANATORY). we started talking about people we love, and since this post, i've been thinking on my own time about who exists out there who i'd tell, if only to put out good karma in the world and let people know they are perfection to me.

right now, i'm learning a lot. in coupling, i'm not selective about many things, but i am pretty selective when it comes to personality (see: why dating is currently challenging for me, part 90). this may seem like a dumb statement, but i've found that some people just... aren't that selective. here's what i mean: we're human - and often we all just want to be with someone, you know? - so there we are, and we date, and we try, and we think, and we rationalize, and then we look up and 6 months of life has passed us by, and there you are. there you are. and... you know what? that's not enough for me. i don't want someone who's just okay for me right now, nor do i want to be that to someone else. life is already great for me. we all deserve more than okay.

life is awesome, after all, and this - this is someone who you will spend your precious time with, talk with, love - so shouldn't it be a someone you just like the most? for me, now, it is. that's the thing. in friendships, in relationships, in life.

okay, that's settled, so let's get to talking playfully: you never know love until you're in it, but it's fun to hypothesize about who you could get there with. there's just some people, in real life, that you know are a-ok. romance aside, i am blessed to know what i believe are some of the greatest people in the world. additionally, could some also be great partners-in-crime? yep.

for a drinking game in a bar, it takes even less qualifiers than the aforementioned to be a smitten kitten for an hour: yeah, i'm unconditionally happy to see blank, or maybe i have a friend-crush on them. right now, for fun, it's drunken hypothetical love.

sidenotes: last night, when i was in michigan city, i fell asleep to say anything. two christmases back, my friend eric gave me a book called sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs. amongst other things, author chuck klosterman argues that this movie has ruined women's lives forever by giving us the fictional character of lloyd dobbler. the book is well written and funny, and i'll bite - i love lloyd dobbler. is there a woman out there, seriously, of any orientation, that doesn't? he's awesome. it's awesome. nothing can take this away. he's fun. he has dude friends. he has girl friends. he's not flaky. he's kind. he checks in. he's bumbling and adorable. he's cute. it hurts.

so, while trying to put lloyd to bed (seriously), i've also been hypothesizing about who i would marry in fake life if that was also possible, having my pick of celebs or fictionals. these people would serve as a guidepost on what to look for in real-time. now, marry is big, so let's get real. not just hot-skis, and not just people you'd drop the f-bomb wit'. [editor's note:besides, marrying people means you can drop f-bombs with them all the time. right? just say no to bonin'-slumps, america!]

anyway, here's my currents of celebs and fictionals (subject to change):

1. lloyd dobbler, still* (but NOT john cusack)
2. paul schneider, of all the real girls - but not in the movie, in real life
3. ricky gervais. his laugh alone is enough.
4. adam horovitz from the beastie boys*
5. jennifer aniston, because she seems real and nice
6. dave eggers, of mcsweeney's, circa 1997
7. martin freeman as tim from the office (british) - perfect. perfect.
8. calvin, of calvin and hobbes, grown up*
9. jimmy stewart, age 32*
10. reese witherspoon or queen latifah, tie
honorable mention: Paul Rudd; usa
*=constant adoration

these are in no specific order, though i think it's funny to have reese and U-N-I-T-Y specifically tied. i smell a buddy flick!

as for truth or bear-ing (or, in this case, baring)... even though the above list and my own hidden list is based in silly conversation and not heady ideals - man. my friends, my friend crushes, my you're-the-best-s? thank you for what you give everyday. you remind of the better, not of the just enough. and lloyd dobbler - well, he wants us to have all that shit.


Blogger rn_buffoon said...


I have a mate who plays in a band that only comes to our pub very occasionally- but when he does we have the best time ever; he's just like the brother I want to pash.

Make sense?

This is my second visit to your blog- I'm from Australia so I've come a long way- but I am enjoying your style of writing so I'll be back again.

Just wanted to make my presence known...

6:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love this game!! and i can't stop thinking about who i want on my list...because you never know man, and you better be ready.

as it stands so far...

tracy chapman
turk from scrubs
tom brady
jodi foster
...these guys are on my all time list, the mvp's so to speak.

but my real dream come true is
dr. christine swartz from central maine medical center.

9:10 AM  
Blogger eileen said...

Hmmm...I can totally relate, the main reason that I never date anyone (well, other than the fact that I'm weird and not very attractive, but whatever) is that I'm picky. Really picky. Like, why date someone if you don't REALLY like them? I don't want someone who's just okay, I want someone who is hilarious and awesome. Now I'm fantasizing about fictional spouses, and all I've got so far is Colin Firth. And I am with you on Tim from the British The Office, but ricky gervais? EW! I just can't separate him from the horrible boss character. Not sure who else yet, but I'll think about it...

9:13 AM  
Blogger eileen said...

ooh, this is fun!

Roberto Benigni in Life is Beautiful
the asthmatic kid from Goonies, grown up
uma thurman
the main charcter from Breaking Away
Marlon Brando, at age 28

9:37 AM  
Anonymous Montecore's Revenge said...

I thought the asthmatic kid from Goonies, grown up, was already married to the former Heather Fuller. Maybe he'll share some of his Jeopardy money with you, though.

11:42 AM  
Blogger eileen said...

thanks for crushing my dreams, m.r.

Just kidding.. what I meant is that i imagine that the goonies character when he grew up would be my ideal mate, not the actor himself. so i can still dream.

11:48 AM  
Blogger tara d. said...

tracy - you and chrissy may be a couple i want to marry. is that weird?

m.r., expect to get jumped tonight. eileen, our friend joey looks a little like sean astin, and shows are stopped dead in their tracks to tell him so, often by calling out, "hey, rudy!". this happens nearly once a week. i've never seen joey madder.

rn buffoon! thank you for coming by, and hope to see you here a ton. thank you for the phrase "brother i want to pash".

eileen, ricky gervais is funny. come on! he's not david brent! funniness counts. i saw him in some interview last night about how he made some top 100 list of "people you're secretly attracted to". that's funny.

11:55 AM  
Blogger eileen said...

he's funny, but he will always and forever be David Brent in my eyes.

PS "Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here."

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Montecore's Revenge said...

Re: Sean Astin. The funniest of all time was when Joey grew a beard to look less like Sean Astin. Then, at the Academy Awards that year, when the "Return of the King" group went onstage, there was Sean Astin . . . with a brand new beard.

12:09 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

m.r., good god, that was sad.

eileen! yes! thanks for addressing the other part of this whole post - it's important to note that in real life and fictionally, "hilarious and awesome" is easily my number one.

why spend your time any other way?

12:51 PM  
Blogger christine said...

What a popular BLOG!
1. Seconds on Jen Aniston
2. Tracy Chaps for sure
3. Heath Ledger- Brokeback first then real life (I would marry him even if he were gay and just let him go fishing every weekend!)
4. Stallone, real life, any movie character even Judge Dredd

****also would like to point out how funny it is to qualify re: "asthmatic from goonies, grown up."

1:45 PM  
Anonymous trace said...

we do!!

7:17 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

"we do!!!" means you take me?
it's offisch!

chrissy, i can't believe you put stallone. you are a parody of yourself.

1:25 AM  
Anonymous Meg said...

I would marry all of these people:
Michael Chiklis as Vick Mackey from "The Shield"
Fred Armisen
Jet Li
Ricardo Montalban from "Star Treck IV: The Wrath of Khan"
Ashley Judd
Steve Martin
Ice Cube
The Lion from "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe"
Elizabeth Pena.

9:30 AM  
Blogger tara d. said...

i love that you put elizabeth pena, and so will my friend lindberg - are you reading this, eric?

hey, where's jackie chan? has your crush left since the affair?

please marry the lion.
you're marrying christ, i hope you know.


1:39 PM  
Anonymous Meg said...

I have a big fat crush on Jesus. I can't help myself! He's just so alpha!

I'm over Jackie Chan. He's gotten too slapstick, plus he stood too close to Jennifer Love Hewitt and now he's tainted. Jet Li's my new papi.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Lindberg said...

You know who I'd fuck is that chick what killed all those people in that post office. Crazy=Good in bed. This is a fact. FACT!

I mean it, dig her up and let's do this thing!

I just saw that Pena thing Meg. I have a shirt that says "I Fucked Elizabeth Pena" I'm not kidding, I was kidding about fucking that psycho dead women, but not this. I have that shirt, I'll send it to you Meg. I had it made cause I thought it was funny. (But that was Star Trek 2 not 4...4 was the whale one. Which I hated. But that's just me.)


4:31 PM  
Anonymous Meg said...

I will wear that t-shirt, Lindbergh. I will wear it to work and to church on Easter Sunday. TD knows where to find me.

4:52 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

best friends!
bessssst friends!
i would love this to happen. you guys would like each other, and meg will wear that shirt.

this now goes down in history as the most commented post.

thank you, elizabeth pena.

6:42 PM  

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