the knot.com -OR- (hint) i looove corningware!

wedding bells, y'all!

amidst visits and parties and dress-ups and late-nights in the past three weeks, i've had several good friends of mine proceed to get obscenely wasted. two of those people then proceeded to tell me the following statement: if i could marry anyone, it would be you.

in both of these extensive drunken convos, i did not initiate the subject, nor have the subject and i ever dated, nor have we even kissed on the cheek (until after they told me... you dig?). it struck me as funny that both of these guys - both very quality, single, lovely male friends - found the need to tell me this like it had been some bottled secret for months and months. now. right now. why now?

the can i tell you something?-s, in both cases, were adorable and unmerited; they turned to me as if they'd interrupted themselves, barging in with new courage to do it right then. i would then kind of make it a bit, and then we'd paw all over each other for fake, and for one second i'd allow myself to almost see it. however, there are reasons that i am just friends with these dudes - despite my own non-readiness, in no way, shape, or form are they ready for something serious. they are good hearted, wonderful, attractive, funny people who go through women like water - and know it.

so, why me? i must be The Perfect Fake Wife; the friendly alternative to a night at john barleycorn's (tm). these guys date beautiful, timid, and sometimes nice but vacant women - so i'll go big here and entertain that i'm just fun or silly, or that i understand them, or that there's no pressure, or that i'm simply invested.

hopefully though, right now, when we're being our good-selves at the cusp of a new year, people start to think about what they really want. in real life, maybe you need more than a bang in the back of iO (though hey, don't knock it 'til you try it*). this is the kind of thing i really hope, because this makes the compliment all the more flattering - that i could possibly be a combo of everything they actually want in another human being, in order to spend most days with them. that is the ultimate compliment.

[*not recommended by author or any of author's friends]

a note:
this might sound strange, but sometimes it seems funny to me that when you get married, you don't just stop the ceremony and say - thanks. thanks, man. like, casually but seriously. earnestly. i feel like you should never stop feeling honored and surprised that it someone is continuously saying to you, day by day - hey, it's you. despite the pomp and circumstance of a ceremony, and all the people standing there watching, it seems the perfect time for the most honest high-five you've ever given. you're choosing me, for the rest of your life? really? well, i choose you. i choose you too. that's pretty amazing. thanks.

i want to do this at my wedding.

so... while all this talk is extremely flattering, it's also a little confusing. confusing, because it's making me think about wide-scope things, about what is to be, let's say, years down the line. confusing because hypotheticals seem to be all i'm completely ready for - and though it's just fun talk while drunk, talk seems to be all anyone's ready to give, too. i'm hopeful, though. maybe we're all learning what we need together, getting our sea-legs, spreading our newly born damp wings in this newest year. at a time where i'm finally piercing through this chrysalis i've been transforming in, i've stopped to wonder what i really want. and, well, i guess i don't completely know.

i just hope i know it when i see it.

someday though, i'm going to high-five someone.
incredulously, i will mean it; because... i know... can you believe it...?

we did it.
we're doing it.
thank you.