Thursday, January 19, 2006

the -OR- (hint) i looove corningware!

wedding bells, y'all!

amidst visits and parties and dress-ups and late-nights in the past three weeks, i've had several good friends of mine proceed to get obscenely wasted. two of those people then proceeded to tell me the following statement: if i could marry anyone, it would be you.

in both of these extensive drunken convos, i did not initiate the subject, nor have the subject and i ever dated, nor have we even kissed on the cheek (until after they told me... you dig?). it struck me as funny that both of these guys - both very quality, single, lovely male friends - found the need to tell me this like it had been some bottled secret for months and months. now. right now. why now?

the can i tell you something?-s, in both cases, were adorable and unmerited; they turned to me as if they'd interrupted themselves, barging in with new courage to do it right then. i would then kind of make it a bit, and then we'd paw all over each other for fake, and for one second i'd allow myself to almost see it. however, there are reasons that i am just friends with these dudes - despite my own non-readiness, in no way, shape, or form are they ready for something serious. they are good hearted, wonderful, attractive, funny people who go through women like water - and know it.

so, why me? i must be The Perfect Fake Wife; the friendly alternative to a night at john barleycorn's (tm). these guys date beautiful, timid, and sometimes nice but vacant women - so i'll go big here and entertain that i'm just fun or silly, or that i understand them, or that there's no pressure, or that i'm simply invested.

hopefully though, right now, when we're being our good-selves at the cusp of a new year, people start to think about what they really want. in real life, maybe you need more than a bang in the back of iO (though hey, don't knock it 'til you try it*). this is the kind of thing i really hope, because this makes the compliment all the more flattering - that i could possibly be a combo of everything they actually want in another human being, in order to spend most days with them. that is the ultimate compliment.

[*not recommended by author or any of author's friends]

a note:
this might sound strange, but sometimes it seems funny to me that when you get married, you don't just stop the ceremony and say - thanks. thanks, man. like, casually but seriously. earnestly. i feel like you should never stop feeling honored and surprised that it someone is continuously saying to you, day by day - hey, it's you. despite the pomp and circumstance of a ceremony, and all the people standing there watching, it seems the perfect time for the most honest high-five you've ever given. you're choosing me, for the rest of your life? really? well, i choose you. i choose you too. that's pretty amazing. thanks.

i want to do this at my wedding.

so... while all this talk is extremely flattering, it's also a little confusing. confusing, because it's making me think about wide-scope things, about what is to be, let's say, years down the line. confusing because hypotheticals seem to be all i'm completely ready for - and though it's just fun talk while drunk, talk seems to be all anyone's ready to give, too. i'm hopeful, though. maybe we're all learning what we need together, getting our sea-legs, spreading our newly born damp wings in this newest year. at a time where i'm finally piercing through this chrysalis i've been transforming in, i've stopped to wonder what i really want. and, well, i guess i don't completely know.

i just hope i know it when i see it.

someday though, i'm going to high-five someone.
incredulously, i will mean it; because... i know... can you believe it...?

we did it.
we're doing it.
thank you.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

If possible, I just fell more in love with you.

12:24 PM  
Blogger kris said...

I can identify with those guys a bit, I think. All through high school and college, if you'd told me I had to marry someone that minute and asked me who I'd pick, I'd have said my friend Jon. (I was even dating other guys the whole time and I still would've said him.) We never hooked up or anything, and there was never anything romantic between us (much to my chagrin), but he was just an all around nice guy, you know? Lot of people fall in love with dickheads and are unhappy. At least if you pick somebody who you like and you get along with, you know you'll be happier than 70% of the other married couples out there, I figure. So I think it's really quite the compliment that they would say that, and not so much that you're just different from who they do date. There might even be a little buried romantic sentiment in there, if you want to explore it. Of course, Jon went on to marry somebody else and it broke my heart for a week, but that's what I get for never exploring the issue... :)

And I loved the bit about "I choose you"... because not to get too cheesy or anything, but that's what I have with the Snook. We do this thing - when his nephew was just learning to talk, the first phrase he learned was "this one." You'd be like, "Where's Kurt?" and he'd point to his self and slur "This one!" What do you want for lunch? Point to banana. "This one!" And somehow that became our little thing. So now, when I want to remind him how important he is and how I continually choose him every day, I tap him on the chest and say "This one." And he does it right back.

Incidentally, the best place for a high-fivin', "we're really doing it!" kind of wedding is Vegas, baby. :)

2:42 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

I have had the exact same conversation with a few of the women I work with. Being in an office with 3 men and 70 women, you'd figure my odds would be ok huh?

There were a few differences, the women were mostly sober, and it wasn't "I would marry you", it was "if I wasn't married, I'd (insert obscene verb) you."

As always...a day late and a dollar short.

8:48 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

well, i just fell in love with you guys.

kris, that is the cutest story. it's also cute because i don't consider you two to be annoyingly affectionate, so this story just seems intimate and goes a long way.

this one = cute.

phil, come on bone-fest! if i had a nickel... for all the people who would bone... then i'd have... and so on.

1:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tara D., I'd marry you and do you. Are you kidding? First I've gotta have the balls to tell you in real life.

1:56 AM  
Blogger kris said...

I'm glad we don't come across that way. I worry that people think since I mention him a lot, we're super lovey-dovey in public and stuff. We're not. It's just that I share an apartment with my best friend, so naturally I talk about him a lot. We both get weirded out by people who, like, make out across restaurant tables and stuff.

2:02 AM  
Blogger christine said...

Marriage is like 95% friendship anyway tara. I say go for it with anonymous!

4:51 AM  
Blogger tara d. said...

if only i knew who they were...

oh well, forever a bridesmaid!
kathy guisewhite

12:07 PM  
Blogger Tricia said...

This is such a nice post, and pretty timely for me, as I'm on the verge of wedding obsessed these days.

I was always amazed at the fact that two people could actually find each other and choose each other for life; it sounded too incredible to be true, at least for me. And then I got lucky, and decided to see if my best friend and I could be more than just friends and it worked.

It sounds so annoying to say that of course it will happen to you (I certainly heard it long enough; I've only spent 5 of my 33 years in any romantic relationship), but it's true.

Anonymous 1 and 2 really need to come out, by the way.. Just play the drinking game and get up a little Dutch courage.

12:30 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

tricia, that's really awesome. what a nice story about your wedding love... it sounds wonderful.

this encouragement is striking me as kind and funny, because what's interesting and stated here is that I'm not ready either. it's not a woe-is-me post, more than it's a thoughtful post of what i'm learning i want. and as someone who has dated people seriously for nearly 10 years of her adult life, most importants being great friends first, i'm cautious of what pain relationships cause.

i'm back in the dating game, but i'm nervous too. i'm going to give it the old college try, and take it step by step. marriage is way down the line. hopefully something good, isn't.

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i know i don't check in very much here, but i should -- you're a great writer. i think if we had met at the altar, we would have high-fived. that would have been lovely. i feel fortunate now, though, that we can high five about a lot of things anyway. Anonymousi and other readers, should you meet the prerequisites (single, sane, funny, etc.), i can tell you this, you should snap this girl up now. i have a feeling those wings won't take too long to dry. much love.

6:21 PM  
Blogger christine said...

who is cathy guisewhite?

8:54 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

first off, this ringing endorsement is from my ex, amy. take that, america! if she says it, it must be so! if i wasn't wasted, i'd be crybot!

2:21 AM  
Blogger tara d. said...

chris, are you kidding?
it's the illustrator of cathy!

cathy guiswhite = illustatror, cartoonist. irving! aack! bathing suit with ruffle!

we get it.

2:22 AM  

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