heart in hands

i'd be lying if i said through all this, my mind hasn't been totally consumed by other things.

my brother vince is doing well. since things are calmer now, i'm thinking of going home in august and enjoying a long weekend with the fam and just being. still, i'm having a lot of trouble admitting i live here and can't get home that much anymore with the schedule i keep.

when i signed on with second city, they told me that as of september, i was theirs. i know that things will change and i'll be gone all but 6 days that month. and for someone who already travels a lot, it's a mind blow to think it will increase.

in columbus, when i visited, and always when i visit, i feel a pang to stay. and i'd like to be there. in a perfect world, i'll have more time to get there, and once i get out of financial peril and find balance, hopefully i'll travel home more and stay for long spurts on off-times. but when your family is all there, it feels like a million miles away.

my brother nick told me recently after seeing a show that i had to stay here. even though it's not true, because nothing is necessary except the basics, it made me feel like being here was a better decision than i allow myself to think it is.