Thursday, March 02, 2006

tara...you are...NOT the mother

i want to build an extremely long hallway. i'll get to this in a minute.

sometimes, when i'm home in the afternoons now and then, maury comes on and i can't help but watch a few minutes. i hate this kind of tv much more than i used to, but after working at jenny jones for a very short while, noticed that every trash tv show has an overarching theme.

jenny jones: i used to be ____, but now i'm _____!
springer: ____ cheated on me with his _____!
montell: i'm a burn victim!
tyra: i'm going undercover as a ______ to see how hard it is!
maury: paternity tests. period.

maury consistently has women on who SWEAR that they've never slept with another man in their lives but Johnny Ballgame, then Ballgame blams some DNA somewhere, and Maury comes out with the news.

In the case of Johnny Ballgame and little Conique,
Johnny
You are
NOT
the father.

[Cue mother for my favorite thing in the world, the hallway run. No matter how long you think this hallway is, I promise you that it is longer. My old roommate Beth and I used to run down our own hallway and do this bit as Maury was about to say the verdict.]

The mother is still running now, and the show has been over for eight minutes.

6 Comments:

Blogger rn_buffoon said...

Hehe; being as Maury's only on in Oz via pay-tv I'm not often privvy to viewing- but the few shows I have watched were indeed Paternity tests gone awry. Case proved again, Tyra.

5:58 PM  
Anonymous martin said...

Even I can smell a stand-up routine here. It's overpowering. Remember stand-up?

1:49 PM  
Blogger VinnyDF said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:32 PM  
Blogger VinnyDF said...

Was just getting home and flipped on the TV and lo and behold, Maury was on! You couldn’t be more right!! Couple was on getting paternity test and the answer was ......YOU......ARE THE FATHER!!!! My favorite part is right after they make the announcement and you always hear "YES...Bleeep....I BLEEP knew it! BLEEP BLEEP ..I TOLD YOU SO!

V

4:34 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

You know, I do love watching those shows from time to time, but then I think of one little fact.

Someday, those kids are going to see their momma on TV testing the 7th guy that could be their father, and then watch the guy say "Awww shiiiiiit" when he finds out he's the dad. How's that for destroying your self-esteem?

7:58 PM  
Blogger christine said...

it has all got to be fake. Or is life really like springer?

12:26 AM  

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