Thursday, February 02, 2006

bus chronicles, II: sorry, charlie

cutting back on driving in the city. it's been nice in some ways - and this may sound hard to believe, but riding the bus is one of my favorite things. yeah, i hate when you're on the urine bus, or the overfilled bus, but otherwise? it's an ideal place to people watch, eavesdrop, and stare into nothingness.

from here on out, whenever i hear something notable waiting for or on it, i'm just going to chronicle it, here. i'll count this entry as number one. this is now number two. please note that the editor of ALAM does not agree with any of the below stated.

broadway (#36), northbound. sweatsuited woman with strong cicero accent (kind of wisconson-y) stands outside waiting for bus with bearded male friend of same genre. i turn down iPod.

girl: "yeah, so, this bitch's mom fed her some tuna and it made her go crazy. i mean, just crazy retarded. find out the tuna had mercury in it so she got mercury all in her brain."

guy: "from tuna? in a can?"

girl: "yeah. of course, yeah. you can see that if you're eatin' somethin' that comes like that everyday, you're gonna act fuckin' retarded."

guy laughs.
guy: "so, she's acting weird now, huh?"

girl: "no, no, i mean, she's actually retarded. her ma was like, i thought i was giving her brain food! i was like, no, you stupid fuck! now she's as crazy as a shithouse rat."

the guy was merely the alley-oop player, and our friend kept driving them home. as someone who hates casual use of "retarded", i have to applaud her for actually meaning it. there is nothing more insane than this convo. is there? going crazy from tuna salad? at least "as crazy as a shithouse rat"?

well, maybe you've misled us, starkist.


Anonymous jock j said...

awesome !

even more awesome, was that your BUS was # 36...the bus!! 36!! steelers...superbowl, hello people.

5:09 PM  
Blogger christine said...

Oh Chi -town...they love themselves some "retarded." Well I tell you what Chicago, saying retarded is SO GAY!

To quote a famed comedian.

10:46 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

jock j... i know who you are, but i won't tell anyone.

you're a steelers fan? this makes me like you more. come on, terrible towel!

wait, who said that?
thanks, 2002!

remember that?
stand up - it was fun while it lasted. i still have one of those cds in existance. one only.

12:46 AM  
Blogger christine said...

I NEED THAT ONE!!!! Ours is melted and Crap! Copy it please so we can put it on our ipod and jam out to the slam poetry that is NKOTB!!!!!

5:49 AM  

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