she's a [LADY]

pre- my drive tonight, i went to walgreens for back to school tolietries (i like to make believe). be warned: you think a product like adidas deodorant would work like a charm - NO! it smells like mop fluid and gives people headaches (i've talked to several girls about this). i wanted to like it very much, but i cannot. i was driven to then buy a product of the "lady" variety. you know, lady speed stick, lady mennen, lady wheni'mwithyouiamsmilin', lady whatthefuck.

if you wanted to see my dander up, you should've talked to me about "lady" things in '92-98. i think it all started way back when, when all our sports teams in high school deferred to the men's teams, calling us the "Lady Eagles". i hated it. hated.

i don't know why exactly, and sure, i could go on a women's studies diatribe, one which is fair: products mandate male things as standard, and categorize female things as "female", thus leading products/sports teams/unisexing to brandize a counterpoint, instead of making it the standard as well. simply said - it's stupes and outdated just to mark things for girls. can you imagine if the girls had been "the eagles", and the men were "gentlemen eagles"? that sounds better anyway. at the very least, it's funnier. pip pip, good gent!

but, when it comes down to it: i think i hate it, really, because lady is just a dumb word. i mean, it's fine and doesn't bother me day to day, but i am not a lady! i mean, i'm not some crass a-hole (just proved wrong, possibly), but i'm not a "lady". it signifies age, it signifies class. doesn't it?

then, when i'm fake school-shopping, i'm left with little choice. it's either a., adidas or sport-town; b., what i imagine to be hooker spray; or c., lady whatnot. so, next time, when you see a bunch of girls slapping "lady" products of various kinds on - think of the consequences, america.

think about it.

slower...

they're in towels in a locker room...
all wet from showering...

slower...

maybe this lady thing isn't so bad.