Saturday, February 24, 2007

my lenten promise, by boring mcclosedmouth

so, yeah. i grew up catholic. more honestly, i grew up italian, so i was constantly inundated in catholicism. how's that? my dad was anti-church, but was also DAGO #1 in any sopranos episode. so, even though italian-cath stuff was all around us, my family didn't go to church for a long while. then i noticed everyone at my public school had started ccd, and i wanted a piece of that action, so i asked to go check it out for myself. how precocious, you crazy 4th grader! my mom and i went back. i liked it. it was neat and reflective and ritualistic and god was fun. long story short, when i turned 17ish, as i went to catholic hs, i started doubting everything. then, church didn't make much sense anymore. and even though i love the ritual of church, and i believe in something, i sure don't know what it is. i'm more of a believer in reverse; i definitely know what i don't believe, so the cancelled out leaves me the known.

still with me?

anyway, that all being said, i still occasionally get hungry for the old pipe organs, the long winded homilies, and sometimes, even the uniforms. and one thing left over that i still really like is lent. i like to be reminded occasionally of mortality to keep it in check. i like the reflection. i like the sacrifice of giving up something really important or hard for you. though the reasons have changed of why i solely would do it (christ died for our sins), i think doing it is a good challenge for each of us (if my god exists, god would want us to do our best everyday). so, i still try to do this. almost for sport, some for baby jesus.

sadly, three days in, i haven't decided what that thing is, and i need to start thinking NOW. mostly, i think it's this, and always should be: i won't say anything bad about anyone, even when it's just laying there in front of me for the taking. i like to think of myself as a pretty positive person. moreover, i like ALMOST EVERYONE on the planet. like, truly. i probably like at least one thing about ev. sometimes i feel like i like more people than almost anyone. but you'd be surprised, dear reader, if you catalogged your day, how much this junk just happens, just non-chalantly. like, how easy it could be to say some throw-away comment like "Oh, yeah, ________? that guy's a d!" or "_________? she chugs cock".

(points) thiisssss guy knows what i mean.

so, maybe that's the challenge. no, that is the challenge. i'm doing it. don't bait me. i'll punch you in the face. i guess i'm doing this. here we go.

(tara goes and sits on rocker, stitching quietly. her knit pillow with embroidery reads, "if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me for the next 37 days".)

4 Comments:

Anonymous Tom said...

I applaud your Lenten promise. Seriously, good luck keeping it. My promise is that I will not bait you.

But, for the record, if I did intend to bait you, I probably would have made a comment about this portion of the post:

"I still occasionally get hungry for the old pipe organs."

But I don't, so I won't.

Best of luck. Honestly.

6:06 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

it's going okay, everybody! i even went to church today and was filled with more doubt. but that's okay, right? .... ....right?

do the oscars count as real people? if so, uh-oh.

12:47 AM  
Blogger eileen said...

That's a tough on, TD! When it comes to Catholicism, I am about as lapsed as they come, but I also get down with the lenten sacrifice. This year, I gave up swearing.

8:04 AM  
Blogger christine said...

1. Tara, do not worry about the oscars....though they are real people it falls on a Sunday, and in the catechism of the Catholic Church it is written that lenten promises do not apply to the Sundays of Lent.
2. I do like the "doing" something vs giving something up. I know someone who gives up beer every lent but substitutes with Wine. I also like yours, tara, because it is a very christian thing to do. giving up candy has nothing to do with christ.

5:18 PM  

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