Wednesday, December 07, 2005

the angriest man in lakeview (tm)

on the way back from an appointment and bally's this morning, i stopped to get coffee at chain-chain-chainersons. the line was immense even though it was 11am, so i waited happily because it was warmer and lovelier than chi-beria.

the dude in front of me, who was a buzz-cut clad jude law, was not so happy. he began exhaling loudly, tapping his feet, and frantically looking around as if he just pulled off a bank heist. there were suburbos in front of us - two women, you know - those women, buying the store from soup to nuts. everything. this is no exaggeration - i mean, at least one thing from each possible category. ground coffee beans, the "nice list" cd compilation, a mug, 8 forms of strudel/schnitzel/whateverthefuck, and 3 specialized drinks (one hot, one cold, one just right). i still haven't figured out the drink orders, because as stated, there were two of them. anyway, this proved too much for our friend jude, and after 18 spin-arounds, stomping, and several eye-rolls, he exclaimed

"j*sus f*cking chr*st!"

people were startled, and i just laughed, because i didn't believe that jude "small wang" law would do anything to me. jude then stepped to the counter, and i made a bet with myself. i bet myself that he would order a tall coffee. i was wrong - he got a grande.

why did i know this? i used to work at intelligentsia, and inevitably, the people who got maddest quickest at other customers were coffee of the day-ers or americano-drinkers. this guy goes everywhere and gets mad that people are deliberating at coffeehouses. to him, coffee is one thing- fuel, sweet efficient fuel. now, i get it, because sometimes we rush. but dude, i hate to tell you this, but you're at starbucks. who did you expect to see here? it's a suburban-lady wonderland! let these ladies lunch! you're wrong on all accounts - you wanna be a coffee snob, try another place; you want speed, go to dunkin' d-s.

now dunk these d-s!


Anonymous Regina said...

I LOVE it! You're too funny!

6:40 PM  
Anonymous trace said...

dunk these d's = best

12:15 PM  
Blogger christine said...

please standup

12:49 PM  
Blogger Scotty 2 Hotty said...

Funny post. You should be in comedy.

9:14 AM  
Blogger tara d. said...

thank you, you've been a wonderful crowd!

*mic feedback*

you guys are too much.

12:18 PM  

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