whew, this checkout is a-w-k-w-a-r-d!

we also have unlimited movies in our rooms here at the hotel. rance and i, for instance, watched kung fu hust in my room the other night. after, i dared rance to get an "adult desire" movie, but he was too skittish. i told him i would, just to see what they'd say to me at the front desk.

on the tv when you go to order one of these movies, it soothes you gently with a little reminder at bottom - "titles are not displayed on your bill on receipt of payment". it's okay, says the hotel, we're not judging you! we're not even looking!

what they fail to tell you, dear novice, is that each of these types of movies are assigned a different price so that they still know what you watched (porno blast=13.99, garfield the movie =$8.95). i have enough friends* who've been around the block to know these things.

i'm trying to choose the least titillating thing i can that still counts as adult, so i don't look like a total pervo. top choices include "key party", "real orgies"; low choices include "really older women", "latex housewives".

i pussed out (bits here... sure, sure) and am about to hit enter on the choice of "blind date, uncensored". what can happen on there that's so bad?


*friends = friends. get your mind out of the gutt!