Monday, October 16, 2006

grin and bear it

today, i was casually shopping at strange cargo here on clark st. i went on a few dates with one of the owners of the store, and since, he gives me discounts on tube-socks and ringer tees for the ho-jo i accidentally gave him*. all in all, not a bad trade. i stood next to a couple that was looking at Bears t-shirts. the girlfriend went to try on a fun jersey tee with the bear growl logo on it. this girl was lincoln-parky... blonde, cute, prob a size 6?, maybe my height. she came out of the dressing room.

girl: whattya think?
guy: it's pretty small. (lie)
girl: really? i just thought it fit.
guy: well, i mean, it does. but you know, it's tight.
girl: oh. (looks sheepish) i guess i don't have to get it.
guy: yeah. well...
girl: do you think i look fat?
guy: no.
girl: um, ok.
guy: it's just tighter than you wear things, but yeah. yeah. get it.
girl: ok, i mean, if you think it's okay.
guy: no, you know what? you're gonna wash and dry that thing. go a size up.

first off, i don't know what to say here. as an on-listener, i wanted to clock the guy for even making this cute girl feel like a knob. i also wanted to clock the girl for going all everybody-loves-raymond on us and asking the dreaded fat-bomb question. america, have you learned noth? don't ask this question! also, don't date this guy!

i've also concocted an elaborate story to go with their couplehood - they were going to a Monday Night Football party tonight at a friend's, and she had no gear (fair-weath). she went to buy a shirt, and the guy, knowing his buddies thought she was hot, wanted her to buy something baggier so he could keep the goods to himself.** grow a pair. don't make a girl feel stupes for your ego! she ain't yo' prop!

here we go, bears***.

*i bet you thought i was going to retract this. sucker.
**probably none of this is accurate, but it sure does add up nice.
***property of zach thompson - and this year, it means the most.


Blogger Zach said...

Now more than ever.
Here we go, Accidental Hanjobs!

12:02 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

you are the best...
now more than ev!

12:23 PM  
Anonymous wilso said...

"America, have you learned noth?" This made me laugh out loud. Really the whole story did. I liked it. Funny. Keep it up. Also, it makes no sense that a guy would want his g-f in looser clothing. We usually want our ladies to show off the goods! Tighten it up!

2:13 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

wilson rules. also, thank you for signing off "wilso" (this made my life). youuuuu want your girlf in tighter clothes because you are fun and self-conf. some guys are weird about it, trust. they get jeal that other dudes are looking... stupes.

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Wake Me Up Before You Ho-Jo said...

1. Wilson is right: If the girl were actually hot, the guy would not want her in baggy clothes.

This leads me to point two, which is:

2. If we assume that the girl were hot, and that he were taking her to a football party, then the one and only explanation would be that he intended to show her off - not hide her. Why else would one choose to take a female to a football party? What with the incessant questions about which team has the ball, or who has hit the most home runs, and so on.

My, that was a lot of subjunctive tense.

11:40 PM  
Blogger tara d. said...

i'm so bored.

12:34 AM  

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