grin and bear it

today, i was casually shopping at strange cargo here on clark st. i went on a few dates with one of the owners of the store, and since, he gives me discounts on tube-socks and ringer tees for the ho-jo i accidentally gave him*. all in all, not a bad trade. i stood next to a couple that was looking at Bears t-shirts. the girlfriend went to try on a fun jersey tee with the bear growl logo on it. this girl was lincoln-parky... blonde, cute, prob a size 6?, maybe my height. she came out of the dressing room.

girl: whattya think?
guy: it's pretty small. (lie)
girl: really? i just thought it fit.
guy: well, i mean, it does. but you know, it's tight.
girl: oh. (looks sheepish) i guess i don't have to get it.
guy: yeah. well...
girl: do you think i look fat?
guy: no.
(silence)
girl: um, ok.
guy: it's just tighter than you wear things, but yeah. yeah. get it.
girl: ok, i mean, if you think it's okay.
guy: no, you know what? you're gonna wash and dry that thing. go a size up.

first off, i don't know what to say here. as an on-listener, i wanted to clock the guy for even making this cute girl feel like a knob. i also wanted to clock the girl for going all everybody-loves-raymond on us and asking the dreaded fat-bomb question. america, have you learned noth? don't ask this question! also, don't date this guy!

i've also concocted an elaborate story to go with their couplehood - they were going to a Monday Night Football party tonight at a friend's, and she had no gear (fair-weath). she went to buy a shirt, and the guy, knowing his buddies thought she was hot, wanted her to buy something baggier so he could keep the goods to himself.** grow a pair. don't make a girl feel stupes for your ego! she ain't yo' prop!

here we go, bears***.

*i bet you thought i was going to retract this. sucker.
**probably none of this is accurate, but it sure does add up nice.
***property of zach thompson - and this year, it means the most.