double dare

i've been on edge a little lately; mostly because of circumstance and feeling a little seasonally affected, i'm sure. i don't know if it's evident or not in my disposition for the novice, but i can tell it in myself. i'm trying to while away the time, as it were, through these semi-bleak days, by doing average things people do: reading, going to the gym, coffee-ing with friends, conscientious reflection.

a hilarious waste by-product of this shortened fuse and sad-sack facade is the following: i have no qualms about saying what little things bother me aloud, for all the world to hear. not passive-aggressively, not confrontationally, but a third way: with a smile and almost as if a friend had dared me to do it. it's been refreshing and makes me feel invested in some fake game that exists only with one competitor. or two: me and my cajones.

like, two weeks ago. two weeks ago i was in line for a flight with america's screamingest buckeye fan (tm). this guy, this guy was probably 25 or 30, dressed head to toe in scarlet and grey. this man had no idea that the people around him were enabled with no hearing loss. everyone around me was wincing at this man, who was talking at anyone who would listen about what he saw on sportscenter last night. he sucked. he sucked so much.

because of this, i vowed to self that i would sit as far away from him as possible on the flight. it was southwestern, so i got to pick my seat. however, i got on the flight, and the only desirable seat was on an aisle with him cattycorner from me. i took it.

screamingest fan only got worse on the plane, if only to hear himself over the motor. i sat next to a business traveler, who had the disposition of my mom's brother, gene - a quiet, kind, polite man who has been through more than his disposition would acknowledge. as screamingest yammered on, and we sat silently, i finally boldly barked

"be louder!"

and the plane's passengers erupted in laughter, including my cohort, pseudo-gene. "thank you," he said. "i just transferred flights with that man, and he's been like this the whole time."

well, then it was on. if pseudo-gene was in, so was i, and since then, i've been doing it left and right. usually, the formula of be-blank-er! tends to work fine, even if it's not those exact words. "yeah, uh-huh, more like that" is one that i've said a handful of times, when i disapprove of something said. this has typically happened in shows, but i think i'll try to wave that banner out there more in real-time. i don't want the affect to get too spade-ian (i.e., david spade), but it's definitely bordering that now.

even this weekend, while i was reffing a CSz show downtown at a pre-holiday party holiday party, i asked one of my standard ref-"gets": you go to your desk drawer, you open it up - you reach in and find a ____. 90% of the time, i will get stapler, even though nearly everyone keeps a stapler on top of their desks. the other 10%, it's a post-it. this time, it was "condoms".

me: (annoyed) what?
her: condoms!
me: (more annoyed) in your desk drawer?
her: (drunker) CONDOMS!
me: WHERE DO YOU WORK?!


yeah, uh-huh... more like that.